


Unbroken

by Cherrys_Criminal_Mind



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 07:20:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14397078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind/pseuds/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind
Summary: In which Clarke tries very hard to convince everyone else that she isn't broken apart by Finn Collins.





	Unbroken

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you're enjoying my work and if you have any requests. I'm livingforbellarke on tumblr. Comments give me life!

Broken. 

Clarke Griffin intended to be anything but broken. When Finn Collins had done his worst with her heart, ripping it from her chest and stomping on it like it was a poisonous insect that needed to be quickly destroyed she had allowed herself a moment of wallowing. A moment of weakness. She cried into Harper's arms and spent a week moping around her apartment. And then she had decided that she would not be broken by him. And how best to show someone that you weren't broken? 

Go out. Have a good time. Show the other person that she was not bothered at all by the things they had said to her. Show them that she didn't care that they had told her that she would never be enough for them and they wanted someone better, someone more worthy of them. Show them it didn't matter to her that she had wasted three whole years of her life with them, waiting for them to make the next step in their relationship only to have them end it entirely with cruel words. 

So she showed them. Clarke Griffin showed them all. How could she be broken if she was out every other night, dancing and drinking with her new friends from the gym, throwing her earnings away on shots and chasers? How could she be anything but put together when she was making out with other guys, letting them have their ways with her in dirty dorm rooms, and poorly lit alleyways? How could she not be absolutely fine when she was waking up on stranger's couches, her hair tangled messily from where they'd bunched it into their hands as they used her mouth for their pleasure, her clothing ripped from the frantic encounters as she tried desperately to validate herself with the attention of others. 

No, Clarke Griffin was not broken at all. She was anything but. And her friends that tried to talk to her, to show their concern that maybe she was drinking just a little too often, that perhaps she should slow down, they were wrong. She pushed them all to one side, even her oldest friends. She didn't need to slow down, slowing down implied there was a problem and there was no problem. No problem at all. She didn't need to get drunk or to go out, she just enjoyed it. She didn't need to drink nearly a full bottle of wine everytime she stayed in, she just wanted to. It had nothing to do with the alcohol numbing the intrusive thoughts that she wasn't good enough for anyone, or that it would be block out the memories of the boy she thought she'd marry. Nothing to do with any of those things. 

Tonight she was meeting Echo, one of her new gal pal's. Echo enjoyed a drink as much as she did, although she could barely fund her nights out sometimes, her often flirting with and leading guys on in return for drinks. But the way Clarke saw it, guys led girls on all the time so Echo wasn't doing anything wrong. Clarke had dressed in her skimpiest black dress, one that a year ago she would have scowled at and not even considered. It showed an almost illegal amount of cleavage and barely covered her butt. But it got the drinks bought for her and the attention she got when she wore it made her feel wanted. And she needed to feel wanted tonight. 

She made her way through the bar, feeling eyes running all over her body, the stares of men wanting to be with her, wanting to touch her. Maybe one lucky guy would get to, she mused to herself internally, spying Echo at the bar, shots lined up already. They greeted each other, giving over the top hugs that drew the attention of guys nearby who were imagining what it would be like to be sandwiched between the two women. Once greetings were over, they downed the shots one by one, another row appearing almost immediately after, courtesy of an admirer. And once the drinks were drunk, they took to the dance floor, swaying together, grinding up on each other, looking to every onlooker like they were having the time of their lives. 

One onlooker though wasn't so sure. 

"Hey is that..... no way, that's Clarke right?" John Murphy elbowed his buddy, nodding in the direction of the dance floor. Bellamy Blake followed his gaze, seeing who he was talking about. 

They both knew Clarke, everyone in their friendship group did. She was closer with his sister and Harper but Bellamy knew her, had shared a few drinks with her in the past, kicked her ass at pool a few times. The girl on the dance floor though, it looked like her but at the same time she looked like an entirely different person. 

"Was she ever that hot when she was with that douchebag Finn?" Murphy spoke again, eyeing their blonde acquaintance up. 

Bellamy didn't speak for a moment, just watching her. She was smiling, acting to anyone else like she didn't give a care in the world. But her eyes, when he caught sight of her eyes, they just looked dead. He knew that dead eyed look from his own past, from a mother who wouldn't deal with her own issues and would spend every moment she was able to, either high or drunk. Bellamy knew Clarke was going through some issues at the moment, Octavia had said how she was pushing away her friends and acting like she didn't give a damn about her breakup with Finn. Seeing her here tonight though, Bellamy doubted that was the case. He thought that she very much did give a damn and was trying to cope with it in the ways that plenty of people did. By ignoring it and drinking it away. 

"Blake, are you even listening to me?" 

"Not really Murphy, not really." 

His friend guffawed and Bellamy was just about to turn away when Clarke looked over, locking eyes with him in recognition. Being unable to do anything else he raised his drink to her and nodded, her mirroring the gesture. 

The night wore on and Clarke downed drink after drink, some bought with her and Echo's own money, others bought by guys who wanted nothing more than to get into her underwear. One drink offer threw her though. A tap on her shoulder had her spinning around to face a leering grin, one that made bile rise in her stomach. She had gone home with this guy a few weeks ago, waking up bruised and in pain, not really able to remember how she'd gotten that way. The apartment had been filthy and as she'd picked her way through it, trying desperately not to wake him, she noticed various drug paraphernalia around the place. Had she taken something whilst she'd been there? She didn't know and she couldn't remember anything after leaving the club that night. 

"Baby girl, you wanna go for round two later? I've been dreaming about your sweet ass since last time." 

Clarke swayed on her feet, looking around for Echo who was dancing with a blonde guy who was totally not her type. She shook her head, quickly pushing past him to the toilets, locking herself in a cubicle and sinking onto the seat with her head in her hands. Her head was buzzing and her ears ringing and all of a sudden she felt like she might cry. She leaned so that her was resting on the cubicle wall, never minding the grime and germs that coated it and she closed her eyes for a second. 

When she opened them again, more than just a second had passed. When she checked her phone she'd been gone for nearly an hour although there were no missed calls or texts from Echo asking where she was. That was the sort of friend Echo was though, if Clarke disappeared then Echo presumed it was with a hook up and vice versa. Clarke had quickly learned that she didn't appreciate the "I got home safe" texts that Octavia, Harper and Raven used to send to each other. Clarke slowly stood her, her legs shakey from the position she'd been resting in and her head was still spinning. She exited the cubicle, avoiding her reflection in the mirror. She just wanted to go home now, tonight was not turning out how she had planned. She was wasted, and not in a good way. Although it was late the club was still busy and she pushed her way through the sweaty bodies in the dance floor, not even bothering to stop and look for Echo. When she finally got outside Clarke heaved a huge sigh of relief, the fresh air filling her lungs. Now she just needed to get a cab. She walked a few paces away from the pounding music and rounded the corner of the building, leaning against rough brick wall of the alley way as she fumbled in her bag for her cell, intending on calling for an uber. 

"There you are sweet thing, you ran away so quickly." 

Clarke stumbled again, moving back towards the street but he grabbed her arm roughly. 

"Where you going baby? I know you enjoyed last time, you were practically begging for more. Come on darlin', no one comes down here anymore, let's have some fun." 

She wanted to yell but she doubted she'd be heard over the music from inside. She wanted to push him away from her and run but she felt so tired, so drained, like all the energy had been sucked out of her. Maybe she could knee him in the balls and make a break for it. Even as she was thinking of these options though, she was being pushed further down the alleyway. When she was wondering if she could reach for her keys in her bag and use them to injure him, she was being backed against the wall, the hem of her dress being pushed up. And just as she was wondering how she got herself into this mess and why she wasn't getting herself out of it, she turned her face to the side and saw a familiar face passing the ally. 

Bellamy and Murphy were finally ready for home, leaving the sticky warmth of the bar and starting their walk home, not living far from the club. They walked by the alleyway between the club and the store next door and Bellamy happened to glance down it, spotting two figures. At first glance it looked like a couple were having a little fun but just as he was about to nudge John and make some crude comment, he realised that it wasn't just any couple. It was Clarke, and she didn't appear to be having fun at all. In fact, she barely seemed conscious, being more or less held up against the wall. She opened her eyes and saw him and in that moment he knew she was in trouble. 

He was down that alleyway before Murphy even realised he'd left his side, although as soon as John did, and realised why, he tore after him as well. Bellamy yanked the guy away from Clarke as Murphy planted a fist into his face, sending him sprawling onto the ground. Rather than fighting back, he picked himself up of the floor and legged it, not looking back. 

Clarke slumped to the ground and Bellamy and Murphy stared at each other and then back at her. 

"Clarke," Bellamy crouched to her level, seeing tears streaming down her face as she started to shiver. 

"Bell, here." Murphy shrugged off his thin jacket, handing it to his friend which he then wrapped around Clarke's shoulders and then together they hauled her to her feet. She suddenly began to retch, leaning over as vomit spilled onto the concrete. 

"Well this is not how I expected my evening to end," Murphy said dryly, Bellamy glaring at him. Still, he was thankful he was here. "Dude, do you know where she lives?" 

Bellamy scrunched his face up, trying to remember if Octavia had said and failing to come up with an answer. He knew she didn't live too far from his sister but the exact address he was unsure of. 

"Clarke, we need to get you home. What's your address?" 

Her eyes were practically rolled back into her head and she was only upright because the two men were holding her. 

"Clarke?!" Bellamy tried again, tapping her cheeks lightly in an effort to rouse her. All that came out were mumbles, followed by another round of retching. 

"Do you think she's taken something. Or do you think.... I mean, that guy...." 

"Don't Murphy, I don't even want to think about it. Here, have a look in her purse, see if she's got any ID with an address." 

Murphy searched and came up with nothing. Like many girls, Clarke didn't need ID, her looks were enough to get her served. "I'm guessing calling O or Harper is out of the question?" 

"It's nearly 3am. Let's just.... I'll take her back to mine." Bellamy lifted her into his arms awkwardly and they walked the few blocks to his and Murphy's apartment building, Murphy unlocking the door for him. 

"You gonna be alright with her?" 

"I'll be fine." 

Murphy left, walking back down to his own apartment, leaving Bellamy with an almost unconscious Clarke. Bellamy decided the best course of action was to just put her into his own bed, removing her shoes in the process but not daring to tackle attempting to fold her into one of his shirts. He loaded up the bedside cabinet with water and advil, placing a bucket by the side of the bed. He'd contemplated grabbing his pillow and heading for the couch but was concerned she'd end up choking on her vomit in her sleep so he ending up falling into bed next to her, only closing his eyes when she began to loudly snore. 

... 

Clarke wasn't in her own bed, she knew that much when she came to, her head pounding. She didn't want to open her eyes though, didn't want to find out where she had ended up, who she had ended up with. She tried to recall last night, bits flooding back to her in memories glazed with a fog. And then she remembered. The guy from a few weeks ago, the alleyway, Bellamy and Murphy. 

What would have happened if they hadn't been there? 

She knew. She didn't need to ask that question. But the realisation of what would have happened hit her like a punch to the gut and bile rose in her stomach again. Her eyes flew open as she started to retch, her searching for a door to a bathroom, for a bin. 

"There's a bucket next to the bed." A groggy voice came from next to her and she reached for the bucket just in time, throwing up anything that was left in her stomach as she mentally placed the voice and realised where she was. 

"There's water next to the bed as well." 

She took it, swallowing gratefully before collapsing back onto the pillows, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"Clarke, are you.... do you want to...." Bellamy wanted to ask if she wanted to talk about it and she wanted to never speak of last night again. She suddenly rose from the bed, her head spinning with the sudden movement and she had to reach for his dresser to keep herself upright. 

"Clarke...." 

"I need to... I need to go...." 

Bellamy hauled himself out of bed. "Let me get dressed and I'll drive you where ever you need to be. Do you want breakfast first though, or some coffee or just.... just to talk?"  

He eyed her carefully and she avoided his gaze, readjusting her dress and searching for her heels. 

"I just... I need to...." Something inside of her broke in that second. She didn't know what and she didn't know why but all of a sudden she found herself sobbing, gasping for breath. Perhaps it was the reality of the situation. There were plenty of other times she couldn't remember getting home or couldn't remember hook ups. Could there have been other times where someone had taken advantage of her drunken state? She collapsed back onto the bed, her shoulders slumped as they racked with her sobs. 

"Do you want me to call Octavia or Harper?" Bellamy asked her quietly, coming to sit next to her. She shook her head vehemently. "Do you want to talk?" 

"About what Bellamy? About how stupid I am? About how you and Murphy had to come and rescue me? Do you want my thanks for that? Do I need to buy you both a gift basket or something?" She was angry but with herself and she realised that, turning to him with tear stained cheeks. "I'm... I'm sorry, I.... I am thankful. I know what would have..." She couldn't continue that sentence. 

Bellamy wanted to help her but he had no idea how he would take would he wanted to say to her. But he felt he had to say it. "Clarke, I think... I think you need to talk to someone about what's been going on. Octavia's told me that you've barely spoke to her since the break up, and she's concerned about the amount you seem to be going out. Says it's almost every night she sees you check in at a bar." 

"It's not a crime to go out and have a good time." Ever on the defensive. 

"Are you having a good time though?" he asked quietly. 

She thought for a second and then in a voice so small it sounded like it came from a child she responded, "no." 

Bellamy had thought as much but he was suprised she'd admitted it so easily to him. 

"Then why are you doing it Clarke?" He pressed her gently. 

"Because.... Because it helps." 

"Helps what?" 

She wrestled with herself, struggled with the decision to continue on with her revelation, to admit that she wasn't okay. 

"It helps me forget that I'm not good enough." 

Bellamy didn't know the fulls ins and outs of her break up but he could only presume this had come from that. 

"Did Finn tell you that?" He touched her arm gently and she nodded. Bellamy felt anger bubbling inside of him but he knew that right now was not the time to let that anger out, at least not all of it. "Clarke, Finn had no right to say that to you. You are way too good for him, you're way too good for everyone I know." 

She shook her head, not wanting to hear his words and he tried again, this time his words a little more forceful. "You are Clarke. In all the time I've known you I've thought so and I know I'm not the only one with that opinion. Finn Collins is an absolute dick for not seeing what an amazing person you are but his loss will be someone else's gain." 

"I just.... I gave him everything. And now I feel like I'm nothing." 

"That's not true. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're nothing. You are so much to so many people." 

"Am I?" She was so small right now and he just wanted to wrap his arms around her. 

"Yes, you are. My sister thinks the world of you, and I know how concerned she's been, how she wants to be there for you." 

Clarke started to cry again and Bellamy felt so awful for her. 

"I pushed Octavia away, I know I did. I just wanted to forget Finn, and forget all the pain I feel inside." 

"And drinking seemed like the way to do that." It wasn't even a question. Bellamy knew the answer. "Clarke, pain is part of who we are. It helps us grow and it helps us move on. You can try to block it out but it rarely works. You need to deal with it. And I know it's hard but you've got some great friends that want to help you. You don't need to do what you've been doing, especially if you're not even enjoying it." 

She nodded, her tears drying up and she wiped at her face, her eyes now resembling those of a panda. 

"I'm not. I was to begin with.... I think.... I think the attention, well it made me feel wanted and that's what I needed but now... And last night....." She choked on her words and stopped for a second, taking a deep breath. "Does Octavia hate me? For cutting her off?" 

"I doubt she could ever hate you. Call her, I know she'd want to see you. And Harper as well." 

She thought for a moment and then nodded again, reaching for her bag on the floor. "My phone's dead." 

Bellamy handed her his, pulling up his sisters details. She took it and dialed. 

"Hey Octavia..... Yeah, no, it's me.... I know, it's a long story...... Do you think you might wanna...... Oh yeah, a movie night with you and Harper sounds great..... Yeah, six sounds fine.... I'll, I'll see you then." 

She disconnected and handed his phone back. 

"I didn't even need to ask her." 

Bellamy smiled softly, knowing Octavia would have jumped in and suggested they make plans and also knowing she'd have questions about why Clarke was using his phone, questions she'd ask at a later stage. 

"Bellamy, could you take me home now? I need to shower and... I need to sort some stuff out." 

"Sure thing Clarke, sure thing." 

They both rose from their seats and after a moment of hesitation Clarke leant forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her head to his chest. 

"Thank you, thank you for everything." 

As they got into his car Clarke decided to accept that maybe she was just a little bit broken apart by what Finn had said and done to her. But with a little help from people like Bellamy and Octavia Blake, and her other friends, perhaps she could learn how to put her herself back together again and learn how to be unbroken.


End file.
